I'll begin by saying that my girlfriend, as part of our new exploring, told me I had to post our first long-distance interaction in here to humiliate me.
So I'm in a relationship. 6 months. I did the whole dumb guy thing. Telling her how two chicks are hot together. Two men are gross. She said she didn't agree. She said she'd find it hot if I sucked a guy's dick. Nothing I'd ever do. But then things changed in our fantasy world for now. I've always been adventurous in the bedroom, but I've never fantasized about this. One night she wanted sex and I told her I jerked off an hour earlier because I didn't know she'd be home so soon.
She was pissed off. I told her I was sorry. She said "How fucking sorry?" and grabbed my balls. A wave of excitement came over me. "Very, ma'am." I whispered, "I really like this. Those aren't mine, they're yours." "Shut the fuck up!" squeezing harder. I've NEVER been into pain! Or domination. But I lost it. We had cake and cookie. But then I said "cookie just for one second." She let go. I said lets have a code word for this. She said brownie. So I said okay. Her choice. Cake, cookie or brownie? With a mean smirk she said "brownie, bitch." And it was amazing.
Additional details. I've been having some issues with that guy down there. I'm not embarrassed because I know it's psychological. Never had it before. Stiffy in the morning. Stiffy in the middle of the night. But I've been under a lot of stress the last few months and I can't get my mind to stay focused during sex. So we've been going in other directions. She loves my oral. Tying her up, blindfolding her and touching her with things she's not expecting like ice.
The damned erectile dysfunction was taking it's toll. Then I started thinking what if she did force me to suck a dick. The thought of me sucking a guys dick is not hot to me. The thought of being forced to is. I didn't even have to tell her I'd like her to do it. She just did. So we got deeper into our fantasy world.
Once during sex I said cake. We used to do the whole, "I need to talk about you being late for work." "Oh, is there anything I can do to not get fired?" The whole bad porn thing. Then it got to the point of going very far. Me breaking in and taking her. Her crying. Me spanking her. It was intense but immediately after, I felt horrible. It was too real and the thought of what I did was deplorable and I felt guilt. She made it so real and loved it. So then brownie started happening. She'd walk up to me, hit my balls and say brownie right before. I'd curl in pain, but I could always say cookie, and it would be over. I never said cookie.
So I had to move cross country for a while. Our last exchange, she made me jerk off while shoving her fingers in my mouth telling me it's her bull's cock. It was amazing. Once I came, I said, "cookie cookie cookie!" And we snuggle. She said she really started loving it. I bought her a book on being a keyholder. Then when I had to leave, we started talking on the phone. She made me do a chat instead so she could have a record of it to embarrass me.
And this is the first embarrassment. She pretty much had no ground rules for cake. I had a few for cookie. Nothing about my weight or money. I'm a bit overweight but it wouldn't turn me on to be called fat. I'm not working right now. Freelance, but that either. Everything else is a go. And I WANTED her to make fun of my erectile issues. I think it's because I know it's in my head. We did try Viagra and it didn't work, proving it's not a physical thing.
I'm also pretty decent sized in that department. So I didn't mind jokes about being small either. I'm especially girthy so I don't mind being made fun of there.
So here we are. After this chat we had, she emailed me and made me find a picture of a cock and told me to jack off to it and describe in detail the next morning in an email exactly what I did to it. And I did. So I had a pic of her up and I fantasized she was watching me do it. I don't know where we'll go from here. I tend to be an intense person with everything I do and I keep wanting to push it further but I know I'd never actually do that. I mean I don't think I would. She finds gay porn for me to watch and now she forbids me to have anything else up on the computer than that.
It's so intense and I keep wanting to make it more real. She is planning on fucking another guy and she keeps texting different guys and telling me she'll do it the next night but then changes her mind and then we repeat that cycle all over again. It drives me insane with jealousy and lust all at once. I think she will do it soon. We'll see.
But she said if I want her to sleep with someone else she will, but I have to suck a guy's cock first. I'm embarrassed. I don't know what will come of this. She has me begging her now. Begging her to fuck someone! How the hell that happened, I don't know? All I know is that she strokes me and asks me if that's what I want and I always say yes. Then she tells me the condition and in that moment I feel as though I can do it.
I am exhausted.